10 things I hate about you

I hate the way you talk to me
and the way you cut your hair
I hate the way you drive my car
I hate it when you stare.

I hate your big dumb combat boots
and the way you read my mind
I hate you so much it makes me sick
it even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way you're always right
I hate it when you lie
I hate it when you make me laugh
even worse when you make me cry

I hate it that you're not around
and the fact that you didn't call
But mostly I hate the way I don ' t hate you
not even close,
not even a little bit,
not even any at all.
(The whole script here)

Getting disconnected

Working with magic makes you able to control your environment. You will do so, at the beginning. After some time you will find that there is always a price to pay. Are you ready to pay it? I tell you one of those prices: It is getting disconnected from everything exciting. You begin to avoid surprises, because they don't fit into an image of someone having everything under control. Sure you have, but then, isn't this only so because you have more distance to things? This distance will be a gap someday, the people around you cannot cross anymore to reach you. So please take care to save yourself the ability to wonder, to get surprised, to get angry and in rage. It will help you to remain connected.

Don't give me songs

Give me something to sing about
I need something to sing about

Life's a song you don't get to rehearse
And every single verse
Can make it that much worse

Still, my friends
don't know why I ignore
The million things or more
I should be dancing for

All the joy
life sends
Family
and friends
All the twists
and bends
knowing that
it ends
Well, that depends
On if they let you go
On if they know enough to know
that when you've bowed
You leave the crowd

There was no pain
No fear, no doubt
Till they pulled me out of heaven

So that's my refrain
I live in hell
'Cause I've been expelled from heaven
I think I was in heaven

So give me something to sing about
Please give me something...

(from "Life's a show" out of Buffy the Vampire Slayer Ep 6-07)

Did i say sparks?

I'm out of them, now. Whew, this was fast. Perhaps it's been the mistake in the first place to search for grace.
Hey! Isn't freedom great? I don't know. Humans use their freedom like they use the rest of their environment: Without any respect or responsibility. They are so gifted and they abuse it, rape it, fuck around with it and say "Hey! You are so dumb to give it to us! Look, we can waste you with it, now! And we do, because we are free to do it!". Gettin' kicked and trampled by all those free people who do this just because they can does not make much sense to me either. I am not too sure, who will win in the end: my patience or their freedom. Either way, it won't be very pleasant for 'em. But then, they will complain, how wrong everything went and if they only had known. Hey! I told you! It was you who does not listen!

Sparks and small lights

If you see one, go for it. Why should you look for hope, relief, forgiveness if you are not ready to commit into it when you finally seem to find it? Don't try to determine, if it's a trick. if it is, it will show soon enough, if it's not, you would have passed the moment. It will be harder to find another chance than to deal with a disappointment. If you had some trouble already, some more is no big deal really. Knowing that you missed the turning of the tide can make you abandon all further hope. Don't do that.

If you are suicidal

don't try to speak with me: I could understand your point.
Am i burned out? Yet?

Forgetting who i am...

i'm not sure, if all these crap happens because i lost myself in a life, i'm not really fitting into. I hoped for more flexibility, more possibilities to participate in change, in the flow of things and my life seemed to give me all the tools i needed for it. But now i sit here wondering why i can't move at all. As soon as i try to everything seems to implode, to barr me from my goal. What was my goal again? I thought i knew it, i seem to have forgotten it in the mists of being a civilized human.