Summer Rain

I especially like the hours before the rain starts. it is like a small symphony. First it gets dark from the east and for a moment everything gets calm and quiet. Just one bird doesn't care and goes on singing as if he knows that he got his chance for a solo right now. Then the wind comes up. Slow at first, and warm, because it just moves the heated air. Time is of no matter, there will be no announcements of the schedule. But sooner or later the best part of the overture will follow: breezes of cooled, fresh air, coming in like unknown guests from far away, teasing you with feelings of anticipation because you know that they are foreboding an upcoming change.
and then you hear it: The first far roaring of thunder and i lean back. Nature will run a change now. I can't and i surely will not do anything about it. The rain and thunderstorm does it's work and i got a break, watching nature doing it's stuff uncontrolled and unimpressed.

So fed up
Just leave me alone for a while. I won't take sides. Never ever. I don't know why they always try to find a suitable drawer in which they want to sort me in. I don't care, ok? I don't have grudges, and, if i had them, that would not mean, that i take the other side. So if you could - at least for a while - leave me alone and let me walk my paths for myself?

More clouds
I got this story of a war of mages for a long time now. I tried to write it down, together with friends we managed to create half a book now but the story leads somewhere else and i believe the only way to get out is to start completely new all by myself. Perhaps this book gets finished someday, but it won't match my intention nevertheless. Could be the reason for my clouded mind as soon as i sit down to go on writing.

The dear (fictional) colleagues
Buffy Summers: Does it ever get easy?
Rupert Giles: You mean life?
Buffy Summers: Yeah, does it ever get easy?
Rupert Giles: What do you want me to say?
Buffy Summers: Lie to me.
Rupert Giles: Yes. It's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true.
The bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats,
and we always defeat them and save the day.
No one ever dies... and everyone lives happily ever after.
Buffy Summers: Liar.

Broaden your options
If you don't know if your decision will be right, especially if there seem to be only few options, try to find more options. How? First: Find the goal behind the goal. You think your goal is to have a career and the decision would be to invest really all of your time into your job? Then what's the reason for it? What is it you want to reach (it can't be that you really just want more work)? Do you want to prove your dad that you can make it high up in business? Do you reach for independecy, do you want to have the responsibility for what you do most of your lifetime?
When you found out what really is triggering you, you will see that there might pop up options and possible was to this goal (or to cope with this reason) that didn't make it to your mind yet. Once the fixation to a "one and only way" is gone you might find out that there are alternate realities in which your goal behind the goal can be reached as well and much more easier, or faster.
The other way to broaden your choices is just to wait a little more and in this time, to communicate with as much people as possible about your wishes and where you want to go. Just give it a shot, i won't tell you what happens, but be assured: If there is no unpassable deadline and you are unsure, there is nothing working better for you than a certain time in wich you talk about what you want.

Clouds
I'd like to go on writing this book of ours (it's a shame, we have nearly the half of it), but as soon as i sit on the screen everything gets clouded. I get ideas, plots, characters, sometimes even musicscores, when i am driving or when i'm sitting in a bar. Everything is cristal clear. Until i sit and try to type it down. Damn. Perhaps it's a matter of technique. I just know, that i have to search for a solution soon.

Magic in Cinema: Jay and Silent Bob
It seems a bit out of place here to write about these two characters in Kevin Smiths movies, but wait: Theses two are really magic figures, and i think, Smith invented them that way (The resemblance of Smiths Alter Ego Silent Bob and his comicbook character Kevin Matchstick in the "Mage" series tells me that). In every movie these two guys come along helping the main character out of a situation that nobody could have done with just the "normal" human possibilities. They seem to have a special foresight, they seem to have ways to escape police or foes you will only find in fantasynovels or comicbooks.
Silent Bob, trying hard to learn the "Jedi"-trick of pulling things with the mind, finally succeeds in the last movie (Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back), so that the magic itself becomes more accurate with every installment: In "Mallrats" he is practicing this the whole time and at the end it works, but only by synchronicity: someone kicks a pole just in the right moment, so that the videocassette Bob does not reach is pushed right in his hand as he tries to reach it with the Jedi-Mindtrick. In the latest movie he does it right! Smiths movies are worth watching not only for Jay and Bob, but it's as well a very good reason if you do.
The right choice in the right order is:
Clerks(how it all began)
Mallrats(settles the score)
Chasing Amy (for magical purposes neglectable)
Dogma (for magical purposes a must have)
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (the great finale)

Mages in emotion
Some, ...well...very few, will remember the "Trenchcoatbrigade" CD i put together at the end of the year 2000, that contained songs and music that connects to people i could call my magical ratpack. It was very moody and quite dark and pensive and perhaps less cheerful that it could have been. But my friends liked it very much, so i think that i found the right blend at the right time.
I just start collecting songs for the next edition of the CD, and this time too, it will not be less moody, surely because i have to apologize to one of my friends, whom i seem to have hurt very much, measured on his response to not knowing me any more. But it will be a bit more agressive as well, fitting my loss of patience with some matters. One of the songs that are in the momentary shortlist is Nickelbacks "How you remind me". I dunno why, but it fits absolutely to the state i'm in these days.

It has been a while
but at last we all need a little time to catch some breath and contemplate. In terms of magic the last weeks went well, but without new challenges or highlights. This is a nice change for me after the harder times that lie behind. And i will certainly not complain about it. I even had time for some new projects that will certainly not please these hypocrite "i am big cheese" magickians and "my knowledge has to be secret for your own safety" high-priests.
Just having seen, that one of these people has been proven to steal all his answers from other internet sites pretending that this knowledge is his very own (he even did not change the sentences of copyrighted material) in an online forum shows me, that people are quite aware and alerted. This is very encouraging. Of course, the direct followers and friends are griping now trying to call the claims down to be a exaggerated peccadillo, but even with doing this they just show their shiftlessness. Down from his pedestal he fell - thats what everybody could see.

Being a moving target...
...is at least better than being a static target. Being a target nonetheless is no fun. But i know, that targets like us diverse the fire from those who were just instant victims. We are the targets that shoot back.

If there were nothing else there were at least myself...
What should i say now. Standing in front of the brightest Star of them all i asked how to cope with all this - what am i doing here anyway, what is it that always drives me out, walking, wandering, flying around and always trying to save what can't be saved. He said, you could just give up your stupid, arrogant claim for neutrality, this would give you a lot of friends on your side and foes on the other. You could stop thinking over all your actions again and again, because either side you take - there will be the comfort of someone telling you what is right and just.
I can't fight the feeling, that he likes me to be neutral. Perhaps he knows, that as long as i am on the grey path i am not lost for him. Perhaps he does not want me to be his enemy. I would like to be sure, that this is not for political reasons but just because somehow he likes me.

A list of good diversion
This is a list for those interested in good entertainment without letting the brain go donut

1. The Prophecy
the best example of how an occult world works. And its funny, thrilling and stylish!

2. The Prophecy II
The sequel works out the religious themes in deep, because you already know the occult world from the first movie.

3. The Prophecy 3: The Ascent
The conclusion of the angelic tale. A classic, highly detailed messias-plot with great Hong Kong style fighting scenes (really!).

4. Highlander - 10th Anniversary Edition
The one and only. Why occult? You have a hidden group with ancient rules that noone questions or breaks.

5. Poltergeist 2: The Other Side
Hidden in the plot they merged two original american occult lores: Lovecrafts "white" Chtulu-myth and the american-indian "native" occultism.

6. The Prisoner
See them all. You will find everything: Magic, scientology, occult groups, brainwashing, trickster work, wizardry and enlightenment.

7. Excalibur
Excalibur tells you 3 stories: The plot itself, the pictures (look for "frames" and "openness") and the characters as archetypes. This movie is a must!

8. Conan the Barbarian
The first Conan movie revokes perfectly R. E. Howards mythical Hyborean setting, which itself again lies in the Lovecraft universe. The ultimate classic fantasy movie as well.

Don't look back?
Don't look back is not only the title of one of the most disturbing and frightening movies ever made but also one of the advices you will often hear when it comes to facing the next challenges, climbing the next mountain (just to find another one just behind that one). But isn't it important to know where we come from? To be aware of all we've gone through yet? Every failure and every success helps to understand the direction and prevents us from false and too fast decisions.

Next Year
The change of a small number on a special day of the year does not seem too interesting for a magician. Alas, it is nevertheless, not because of the "event" but because a lot of energy is set free by millions and millions of people all over the world. Like a wave the energy surrounds the globe in about 24 hoursteps, braking the barriers of all the little selfimposed distractions that prevent us from grasping all new chances and opportunities.
For a few hours all people (well, the most) think about doing lots of things different from "now" on. Often enough, they do not really do it - does not matter for me. The energy is there, the gates are held open by the global spirit of hope, fear and expectations for the coming year. This is a powerful source for magic - and its free.

Changes
Magic has the purpose to change something. For the good of the mage mostly. Of course, because he has all the work with it and since magic works best when the motivation is strong, the greatest success comes when the mage has a personal interest in his result.
I made some changes the last few weeks. Some concerning just personal viewpoints and priorities. I stopped putting much energy into things where other people can't or don't want to meet my claim for quality. It leads to constant frustration that i am not willing to accept anymore.
Some changes i started affect my environment in a more direct manner. There are some trails i needed to set up or disconnect. Paths, that will have to exist (even if this means out of nowhere) and others that i do not need anymore. I highlighted some directions that i will need to follow in some time and i sent out some astral probes to search for people and connections i need.
Perhaps i will come by. If you notice, just give a passing stranger a smile.

Hitting the floor...
...may be of help sometimes. But it depends on the height, the fall starts from. The fall may be long and slow and perhaps it is so long that you do not know you're falling, anyway. Problem with this: There will be the floor coming along some day. If this day is far from now, the hit will be severe and devastating nonetheless. Or, it will be devastating right because of this. But after all, we do not choose this, that thought is hopefully alleviating the effects...

Living my live in Babylon
Sometimes i step back and analyze the Situation i am in right now. Last time i did this, i thought about this friend of mine, who seems to have cut the connection after having had different opinions about a minor and for the short time of being relevant quite secondary problem. This was kind of new for me: I know arguments and i know some of the vexatious things that i sometimes do unintentionally. But this time i have no clue what really happened, i guess it was way beneath the surface of this argument. Neither apologies nor just letting some time pass seemed to help. I did all i could do - from a distance there is no forgotten option or hidden hint how to come together again, the only one having a choice now is my friend. I just let the door open. He is welcome.

Rituals
It has been a very long time, since i did an classic ritual. So it felt like stopping by at home during this very long journey. It was a very hard part of the journey, these last weeks, and so i thougt about contemplation. Getting in touch again. Telling hello to old friends and older enemies and letting them know, i am still on the road here in this realm of tragic despair, created by the free will of its inhabitants.
The circle closed just with the smoke of the inscent, i sat and asked for the guidance i need right now. I tried to get the water flowing again and i did, as usual, got all requests fufilled. I am paying for all this, of course, in the currency i am always paying: I won't go home to stay for as long as it will be demanded.

To whom it may concern
"In the end, there's still the word, everywhere, in heaven and it's angels, the earth and the stars, even in the darkest part of the human soul.
It was there the world burned brightest.
And for a moment... i was blinded."
I am not blind anymore. You think you know what kind of magic i am wielding? Think big and you still think far too small. It is not what I am using, it is what I am.
But you will reckognize this soon enough but too late anyway...

Friend will be friends...
When youre in need of love, they give you care and attention
Friends will be friends
When youre through with life and all hope is lost
Hold out your hand cos friends will be friends
...right till the end.
- Mercury/Deacon -