Bored beyond belief

i put myself in this state of low level flowing, of flatness and greyness. It was necessary, i am overworked and had to take way too much hits and blows this summer to go on like that. But holding still is not recovering. Its just stopping getting worse. It is just preventing to break down completely. It is just holding the state of functioning.
I really would like it to get better. But i don't know how.

All of this past

Here I go again
Slipping further away
Letting go again
Of what keeps me in place
I like it here
But it scares me to death
There is nothing here

The light is beautiful
But I'm darker than light
And you are wonderful
But this moment is mine

All of this dust
All of this past
All of this over and gone
And never coming back
All of this forgotten
Not by me

I find comfort here
Cos I know what is lost
Hope is always fear
For the pain it may cost
And I have searched for the reason to go on
I?ve tried and I?ve tried
But it?s taking me so long

I might be better off
Closing my eyes
And God will come looking for me
in time

All of this dust
All of this past
All of this over and gone
And never coming back
All of this forgotten
Not by me

I can see myself
I look peaceful and pale
But underneath
I can barely inhale
I can hear myself singing that song
Over and over until it belongs
to me

(Sarah Bettens)

More and more virtual

I'm sleeping in right now. Theres nothing behind these walls that interests me. Theres noone outside myself i care much. It's cleansing. No disturbance and no hassle. The money i earn is reason enough to go to work. Afterwards, i come hoe, and stay there. If the doorbell rings, i open. But as long as it doesn't i won't search for company. I just stay at home and the world stays outside. This is a good placement of us two.