Disconnected

Got to face it. I lost trails. Don't know when, it can't have been so long ago but right now i feel unsure. Alone. Alone in the sense of being isolated and disconnected. There are people around me, even people i love and who love me. But i can see on their reactions that i'm not really in tune, that me and my presence don't fit right. That i'm acting off focus.
I don't like me this way: I feel like being a teenager again. Worse, i feel like being that teenager again, that i was: Unsure, the smallest, the nerd, the one without attention. Without the right attention. The one who missed nearly everything that the others long had, hopelessly staying behind for years.
Yes of course, i catched up. More than this, i took over in most regards. Friends wondered how i managed to always end up with the most interesting and beautiful company.
But i'm still carrying this rejected teenager in me, when i get stuck in my fears i fall back to stand stunned in confusion and powerlessness like i was then. How can i come to terms with him? He is so sad and angry, gets frustrated about nothing. I need to reconcile him to find back to myself again.

I yet don't understand much of the concept "time". I can't use it right: If i got it, i don't do much, if i have none, i'd like to write, paint, play music, talk...
I seem to be stunned by this "time". I can't move in it. I can, if it gets short but then i have to hurry. Could anybody teach me how to use this "time"?