Now

you see me.

Gone the full circle

As sun gets down all's set and done. All words are spoken and be gone.

Dealing cards

This day will be an important one and as always with the important things it will go nearly unnoticed: no greens flashes of light, no burting clouds, no lightning and thunderrolls. I lay out some cards on a kitchen table, looking at them, having some thoughts about them. The highest and most potent magic is the one no one senses.

I was in unease for some months now. Working hard to find any hints or tracks. I followed voices whispering directions too silent to understand them right. Until now - as it always comes out in the end - i'm ready to give in. Which means, i'm too tired even to worry any more. I need that state of conciousness. It's hard to reach because it it beyond the point of total exhaustion. I'd like to get there someday without having tried everything else first, but even that thought is unimportant now. It doesn't anger me, it doesn't make me sad. I'm at ease with it. If this is the way, so be it. Now i'm here and i'm calm and solemn and in the state of knowing, that everything is fine as it is.

My tarot deck is waiting patiently for me now. Perhaps half an hour still. And then there will be a new pattern on the desk, just for my eyes. Defining what will come next, only for me to know and staying in my mind for - say - the next five years. Perhaps i'll share some of it with the empress, but the whole picture will only slowly unfold in the days and months to come, so theres not much to give away, i guess.

And even this is fine. I'm traveling alone most of my paths anyway.

What am i doing here anyway?

I traveled to that place where everything just disturbs me. Shakes my self awareness. Floods my mood with troubling thoughts and feelings. What did i think? Did i think at all? I'm not standing safe at all right now. How could i put myself into a situation like that? Why did i run into a wall of knives when it's obviously a wall of knives? Am i mad?

Full cirle

This year it's been twelve years. So we did the full circle, one time the zodiac. Magic was reset and it had the time it needed to find it's natural ways, set up it's conduits, set up it's new places.
And so we are obliged to meet again this year to finish what we've started. To form the new circle of mages, watchers, angels and demons that will walk the new path of the old crafts.
I met E. I met C. And i'm sure i will met O again, soon. I started those old habits i put aside for a long time that seemed to pass in a blink. I smoke my cigar every day again as i did twelve years ago and haven't done since like that. I found my new companions and i guess so did the others. We are well prepared for closing the circle this year. Ending the round, starting the new.
Be seeing you.