Too sunny to feel bad

Blue sky and bright sun in autumn. If you feel depressed or sick or tired, go outside. For a walk or a short trip. I do.

Fix me a lobotomy, then!

"What else, for christ sake!" - Problem is, there are still some working areas in my life. Still a few friends and people who care for me. So there are plenty possibilities for some more new disappointments and crappy developments. I know, that sounds like a selffulfilling prophecy. But i just don't know how to handle all this. There are friends - well former friends - of mine, telling everyone they meet that they don't like me and what kind of asshole i am. I don't even know, what made them angry about me in the first place (I asked, of course, but the answer was that they don't have grudges against me and everything is ok), and i don't know, why they feel the urge, that everyone should know that i'm a bad person.
I don't want to think about all this, really. Those former friends are not my concern anymore, i can live with that, really. My only point here is, that i lost friends, i did not want to lose, but hey, in time it will pass into oblivion. No, what really pisses me off is the amount of all those different but concurrent events, that hack into my life from all directions that really wears me out at the time. I am losing every grip to steadiness. It paralizes me. And i thought, last year was atrocious...

can't sleep

I'm sitting at the screen, klicking the same websites again and again and can't just go to bed and sleep. I know that i will be tired tomorrow but it's just... no, i don't know what it is. I just could stand up and turn the computer off. But i don't do it. What am i waiting for? Can't say until its here, i guess. Same yesterday. Same tomorrow, i think.

Don't trust written words

they are cheating you, because you will read what you want to read. You don't hear a voice, when you read, so what do you know about the intentions of the author? Nothing - you don't know if he is thoughtful or hateful, if he wants to just cheer you up or smack you down. A written conversation lacks everything a conversation is good for: the compassion and the communication of feelings that you hear and see when you talk with someone face to face.