Well, you're my friend
And can you see
Many times we've been out drinking
Many times we've shared our thoughts
Did you ever, ever notice,
the kind of thoughts I got
Well you know I have a love,
for everyone I know
And you know I have a drive,
for life I won't let go
But sometimes this opposition,
comes rising up in me
This terrible imposition,
comes blacking through my mind
CHORUS:
And then I see a darkness
Oh no, I see a darkness
Do you know how much I love you
Cause I'm hoping some day soon
You'll save me from this darkness
Well I hope that someday soon
We'll find peace in our lives
Together or apart
Alone or with our wives
And we can stop our whoring
And draw the smiles inside
And light it up forever
And never go to sleep
My best unbeaten brother
That isn't all I see
CHORUS:
And then I see a darkness
Oh no, I see a darkness
Do you know how much I love you
Cause I'm hoping some day soon
You'll save me from this darkness
Will Oldham
Monday, February 17, 2003
Sunday, February 16, 2003
What am i doing here?
I' m so sick off all this. Perhaps i should accept that i am arrogant. And ignorant. And that i always look for reasons that the others are guilty for whatever is bad in my life. Then, my life would be so much easier. I could start to act as ignorant hypocrat. How easy my life would be. And how senseless.
Wednesday, February 12, 2003
Enthusiasm?
All right, i am doing my best to settle everything the best way i can for all. But I certainly won't be showing much enthusiasm in doing so. Be happy that i do it. It's more than enough.
Tuesday, February 11, 2003
Blame me!
She says I'm one of those, who have to think now ("Ha! Those stupid men!"). About their role and their old fashioned views. About what happens when someone goes this oh-so-great and new path of complete change and enlightenment. And leaves me behind in my dark cave of not knowing anything about how great this new and completely different life ist.
Perhaps she will see in the end, that it is nothing unique, because it's always like this, when you're in love. You think, everything is different and all people who don't share these feelings are antiquated and stick to their habitous way of life while you fly to cloud nine.
Been there. Done that. Yeah, it's great for someone who is in the twenties, finding out that there is more than teenage fancying, that now there can arise this great feeling of depth, of bonding, of wanting to walk side by side with someone. In the thirties, there may be a moment when you remember how great this was and you want it again. But because you know that it's just selfish and irresponsible to just try to get your twenties back it's necessary to find some higher reason. Betrayal and just wanting some change and new adventures can't be reason enough to leave behind the responsibilities that have amassed during the years. But there's a reason why older cultures teach, that in every age you have to learn something, that you cannot learn in any other age.
How i come to think, that this walking-new-paths thing is just an excuse? Because for me, there's totally no difference who is this other one. Or what. See, it's used as the explanation for everything, used to impose yourself over me and used to elevate a darn, simple ego-trip to a revelation that i "can't understand" and so must tragically accept, that i can't be part of this new period of life.
To prevent me from any reasoning, she assumes a superstitious, dogmatic kind of gender related religion-like view of life that i'm "not capable to understand" - sorry, wrong gender.
As if gender has any big role in these issues of love and attraction. I am not the one who says one has to choose, which gender you love and which one automatically has never to be touched again. This is the same artificial restriction, just the other way round.
Sorry, but it seems, the one walking backwards with old fashioned views of what love is about is not me. I guess, when it's necessary to get backpadded for those poor excuses, when it's necessary to convince yourself to be on a holy trip instead just falling in love with someone else, there will be not this permanent change you want to believe in. That's the thing with mock-ups. They will never get solid but vanish one day, leaving you exactly where you were before.
So, in the end your way will just repeat itself. You will repeat yourself. What reason do you want to pretend next time? Better think about it soon, because the rerun will loose it's taste much faster.
Perhaps she will see in the end, that it is nothing unique, because it's always like this, when you're in love. You think, everything is different and all people who don't share these feelings are antiquated and stick to their habitous way of life while you fly to cloud nine.
Been there. Done that. Yeah, it's great for someone who is in the twenties, finding out that there is more than teenage fancying, that now there can arise this great feeling of depth, of bonding, of wanting to walk side by side with someone. In the thirties, there may be a moment when you remember how great this was and you want it again. But because you know that it's just selfish and irresponsible to just try to get your twenties back it's necessary to find some higher reason. Betrayal and just wanting some change and new adventures can't be reason enough to leave behind the responsibilities that have amassed during the years. But there's a reason why older cultures teach, that in every age you have to learn something, that you cannot learn in any other age.
How i come to think, that this walking-new-paths thing is just an excuse? Because for me, there's totally no difference who is this other one. Or what. See, it's used as the explanation for everything, used to impose yourself over me and used to elevate a darn, simple ego-trip to a revelation that i "can't understand" and so must tragically accept, that i can't be part of this new period of life.
To prevent me from any reasoning, she assumes a superstitious, dogmatic kind of gender related religion-like view of life that i'm "not capable to understand" - sorry, wrong gender.
As if gender has any big role in these issues of love and attraction. I am not the one who says one has to choose, which gender you love and which one automatically has never to be touched again. This is the same artificial restriction, just the other way round.
Sorry, but it seems, the one walking backwards with old fashioned views of what love is about is not me. I guess, when it's necessary to get backpadded for those poor excuses, when it's necessary to convince yourself to be on a holy trip instead just falling in love with someone else, there will be not this permanent change you want to believe in. That's the thing with mock-ups. They will never get solid but vanish one day, leaving you exactly where you were before.
So, in the end your way will just repeat itself. You will repeat yourself. What reason do you want to pretend next time? Better think about it soon, because the rerun will loose it's taste much faster.
Friday, February 07, 2003
Not funny
I guess one of the reasons why people do not talk to each other about their issues and differences but instead try to dominate the others, hurt them and get hurt by them is, that they most often begin to forget to solve the problem over their wish to win a fight. Could be that this is a bad case of falling back into their Cro Magnon consciousness. But it is more than failing. It is runnig back into the caves. It is forgetting the difference.
Thursday, February 06, 2003
I do not easily talk
about feelings. About anger. About what and whom i love and hate. I don't like straightness in the terms of telling what i think. Because in subjects of love and hate it is not important for me what i think but what i feel.
What i think is something I can spread and discuss. What I feel is nothing i like to discuss. I don't want to analyze my feelings, I want to feel them. They are true for me as the feelings of everyone else are true for them. Noone will hear much of an answer from me, who tells me what she or he fells. I just believe it and I won't do any kind of analizing.
Lots of people make the mistake to believe that I am not open or that I hide my feelings. Be assured: I don't. Talking is just not the medium for showing my state of mood. It is everything else instead, so if you just stop focussing on my words you will understand me perfectly. Because I never hide my feelings.
What i think is something I can spread and discuss. What I feel is nothing i like to discuss. I don't want to analyze my feelings, I want to feel them. They are true for me as the feelings of everyone else are true for them. Noone will hear much of an answer from me, who tells me what she or he fells. I just believe it and I won't do any kind of analizing.
Lots of people make the mistake to believe that I am not open or that I hide my feelings. Be assured: I don't. Talking is just not the medium for showing my state of mood. It is everything else instead, so if you just stop focussing on my words you will understand me perfectly. Because I never hide my feelings.
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