She says I'm one of those, who have to think now ("Ha! Those stupid men!"). About their role and their old fashioned views. About what happens when someone goes this oh-so-great and new path of complete change and enlightenment. And leaves me behind in my dark cave of not knowing anything about how great this new and completely different life ist.
Perhaps she will see in the end, that it is nothing unique, because it's always like this, when you're in love. You think, everything is different and all people who don't share these feelings are antiquated and stick to their habitous way of life while you fly to cloud nine.
Been there. Done that. Yeah, it's great for someone who is in the twenties, finding out that there is more than teenage fancying, that now there can arise this great feeling of depth, of bonding, of wanting to walk side by side with someone. In the thirties, there may be a moment when you remember how great this was and you want it again. But because you know that it's just selfish and irresponsible to just try to get your twenties back it's necessary to find some higher reason. Betrayal and just wanting some change and new adventures can't be reason enough to leave behind the responsibilities that have amassed during the years. But there's a reason why older cultures teach, that in every age you have to learn something, that you cannot learn in any other age.
How i come to think, that this walking-new-paths thing is just an excuse? Because for me, there's totally no difference who is this other one. Or what. See, it's used as the explanation for everything, used to impose yourself over me and used to elevate a darn, simple ego-trip to a revelation that i "can't understand" and so must tragically accept, that i can't be part of this new period of life.
To prevent me from any reasoning, she assumes a superstitious, dogmatic kind of gender related religion-like view of life that i'm "not capable to understand" - sorry, wrong gender.
As if gender has any big role in these issues of love and attraction. I am not the one who says one has to choose, which gender you love and which one automatically has never to be touched again. This is the same artificial restriction, just the other way round.
Sorry, but it seems, the one walking backwards with old fashioned views of what love is about is not me. I guess, when it's necessary to get backpadded for those poor excuses, when it's necessary to convince yourself to be on a holy trip instead just falling in love with someone else, there will be not this permanent change you want to believe in. That's the thing with mock-ups. They will never get solid but vanish one day, leaving you exactly where you were before.
So, in the end your way will just repeat itself. You will repeat yourself. What reason do you want to pretend next time? Better think about it soon, because the rerun will loose it's taste much faster.
