Not Going Anywhere

This is why I always wonder
I'm a pond full of regrets
I always try to not remember
rather than forget

This is why I always whisper
When vagabonds are passing by
I tend to keep myself
away from their goodbyes

Tide will rise and fall along the bay
and I'm not going anywhere
I'm not going anywhere

People come and go and walk away
but I'm not going anywhere
I'm not going anywhere

This is why I always whisper
I'm a river with a spell
I like to hear but not to listen,
I like to say but not to tell

This is why I always wonder
There's nothing new under the sun
I won't go anywhere
so give my love to everyone

Tide will rise and fall along the bay
and I'm not going anywhere
I'm not going anywhere

People come and go and walk away
but I'm not going anywhere
I'm not going anywhere

Keren Ann - Not Going Anywhere

I thought i'd get hard

but it is quite the contrary. Yes, i was angry, especially last year, and i thought, i would have to be more bitter, more determined, more egoistical and more ruthless in the future. But now, I find myself much more settled, much more centered and willing to let things happen, to let people be themselves, to be able to smile and just turn away, when somebody tries to provoke me.
Funny enough, I realize this much later now. It shows, when I see people, who act or react on me in long-established ways. I begin wondering about them, not finding another way, always starting the same repetitive discussions with all the same arguments. They seem to think, there is something to fight about and I realize, when they talk that way, that they are talking to someone completely different. Someone, who isn't me. If some day in the past I really were the person they are adressing, I am glad that I am someone else, now.

Healing

was fast, this time, compared to the last time. I understood better, what was going on and i think, i did lots of things right, that i did wrong the last time. I'm really fine right now. I got peace in my heart and my mind is at ease. Things are smoothly beginning to flow again, i made some music and got good friends to talk, to chat and to do interesting stuff with. I go out sometimes and i'm planning a vacation. Life is a warm breeze and everything that happened helped me to be myself.