there is this moment in which the fear of moving breaks and the clouds vanish and the sky glows bright and glittering, giving sight to the land before me that i even was afraid to look at. But there it is in all its beauty, suddenly visible in the moment i just took one step forward.
It is the same instant that i realize that i was stuck, walled in, frozen. For nearly one year i must have stood here actually and didn't even know that. I really thought i was moving, but now i see that that just was not true. Not true at all. I held onto a status quo. I wanted a comfortable and safe position to hold on forever. Which is impossible. When i stop moving, everything will fall apart in the end. It's not my nature to settle down and every time i try to i either destroy everything or i nearly do.
Today i nearly did. I should be sorry and apologize, but i apologized and was sorry again and again for a long time now. It won't help. Moving helps. Getting myself on path helps. Letting my fears and my jealousy go helps. Breaking my chains helps.
Even just to begin moving again helps. Helps big time.
