Sometimes i underestimate the power of time. But i learned, especially last year, how good "waiting" works. Its the basic for letting things go. I admit, that having patience is not easy for me, when it comes to topics of my life, where i strife for a change.
One of those topics i am getting impatient with is the one, where some people try to stick on embosomed behaviors, e.g. when they make up an issue with me, that is in actual fact an issue they got with themselves but refuse to solve it. They try to solve it, of course, but by making me the bugbear for it - they fight with me to avoid fighting with themselves. What cannot work out - and that it does not work out is clearly visible, because the situation stays the same for two years now. Two years, that i reduced the contact as far as i can, contrary to that i in reality would like to have a good contact (with at least one of those people - i am able to let the other one live on without interfering).
I dont like two things about that situation: First is of course what they do to me. They see something in me that i am not and they have such a strong belief in the image they impose on me that if i try to explain my thoughts, i get invidious, excessively angry replies.
Second, i feel hurt and helpless. To feel hurt (thats what they need me to be, because otherwise they wouldnt get me to react harsh and to affirm their image of me) is not funny, especially if i lose the confidence, that someday the situation could turn better. I have to recognize that it won't and that i am not able to do even the slightest to come back to a normal relationship. This is the helplessness i mentioned. I don't get over it. I can't.
But - to come back to the power of time again - i have to let go. As long as i am at their disposal to be their concept of the enemy they can shout at everithing they avoid to shout at themselves, nothing will change. So i will leave every corner and every field they go to. I won't argue any more. I won't follow the rules of the scapegoat. I will let time work it out. And even having decided that and having written that, i feel relieved. This is about time.
